Losing it....

Okay I know the title probably scared you off but really I'm just really tired of giving in. It is something that I used to be able to control but now that I am a little stressed and worried about Ezras surgery that is in 3 weeks, I cant help it. HELP ME loose weight, help me please! I guess I should be internalizing this because really weight loss starts from with in. I remember back when I was trying to lose weight for cancun I would be at the gym every night, meal prepping was a breeze. I lost 15 pounds but didn't even get close to my goal of 150.

  I've always been a little on the chubby side and have always wanted to be  thinner but I really have no idea what i'm doing anymore. I can't focus on working out daily, I'm just enjoying my son so much that I don't want to be away from him. I keep telling myself I need to lose some weight before I go back to work in May so that I don't get those rude compliments from people, I really don't want to hear it. Now I can't control my cravings, if I want a burger I have to eat it, I have to have that cookie, that soda is better than water, i am addicted to junk. HELP ME!

I really don't know why this happened when I was able to eat better when I was pregnant. I was seriously losing weight because all I ate was fruit. maybe i should take a pregnancy test now because man, lol. KIDDING. no. no no. no no no. not yet! Well yes, this is a cry for help. I know some of you are doing the whole 30 thing, it looks awesome but I need to stick to it. At this point I really need to gain control of my cravings and look for better alternatives that give me the similar satisfaction of the junk, without the additives. I'm tired of failing at this, I know it is all my fault though, I'm the only one that can trully change the way I eat. This is where I begin, I mean it isn't too bad seeing as I just had a baby, it could be worse, but to me this is bad enough. So here i sit, literally, at 184 pounds of unhappy with the hear to change but a mouth and mind addicted to sweets and junk.

My plan is to start somewhere,here are my goals:

•Plan each meal by writing it down in my calendar and sticking to it.
•Use MyFitnesspal to track my weight and measurements to track progress
•Go on walks with Ezra or on my own for at least half an hour
•Go to the gym to do weights and hardcore cardio twice a week
•Find a buddy to join me. nothing beats working out with friends who keep you motivated
•Keep a positive mindset

I can do this, I know I've done it before I just really want to do this with the challenge of being a mommy in order to get to where I want to be and be able to provide the best kind of life style to my family. Nothing is better than being healthy enough to enjoy life with your family.

Mayra Stevenson 

2014!!!

Hellos Good readers of the cyber world! How are you all? Well this past year has been the most exciting,terrifying and beautiful year of my life!It all started with a pregnancy test that got us ready for parenthood. Ezra is now 2 months old and is smiling and giggling at the sound of singing or squeaky voices. It is seriously the cutest thing ever! Well each year end i like to list off what my favorite things were of that year but this year I thought I would list the top 5 Highs and lows of the year! So here we go!


HIGHS

Being pregnant!- The little kicks and punches are dearly missed but I wouldn't trade the giggles and smiles for anything else


Having my In laws for a month!- Although we all squished into a small studio at 8 months pregnant, I honestly had the time of my life with my beautiful in laws! I wish they didn't live 16 hours away but I'm so grateful for technology that keeps us constantly connected!

Going to my first NBA game- Clippers!

Building stronger relationships with friends- You know who you are! I honestly have such a strong support group of friends who are constantly there for me when I truly need them! I'm so grateful for them!

Having a baby! Man was it TOUGH but after 2 hours of pushing and no progress we had to get him out! The rush of emotional change was crazy but I wouldn't have it any other way! I LOVE my little man more than anything in this universe!


Lows
 
Finding out Ezra has a congenital heart defect- I found out alone, in torrance with a doctor that was rude so it was hard to hear, I got in my car and called my sister and balled my eyes out. I still don't understand why our little boy has to have such a difficult beginning but I am SO thankful for modern medicine that keeps our little boy healthy! After his surgery (within 4-5 months old) he will be able to enjoy life without having to struggle breathing.

Mom getting admitted to the hospital the same week we found out Ezra had a heart condition. She was in there due to her heart failure so it was a double whammy that I couldn't handle. I was a hot mess and I'm so thankful we got through it.

Getting Pancreatitis and Having Gall stones- OH MY GOODNESS. worse than labor pain!

Having a "high risk pregnancy" which restricted me from going to the gym-waahhh

The 49ers having a horrible season and Jim Harbaugh leaving the team- WHYYY!?!? seriously i'm devastated!


Well there ya go! it was honestly so hard thinking of Lows which makes me happy because it was pretty easy finding the highs!

I really hope that you guys can find the good in life even when there are some things that can be too much to handle, there is always a bit of sunshine hiding behind those clouds! Keep fighting through them, A storm doesn't last forever!

xoxo

Ezra Cameron Alofa Stevenson

Since my last post, things escalated pretty quickly and I ended up having our little boy 10 days early. I have quite the story about his birth so sit back and read away! Long Post! Enjoy!

Oct 15th

Since Ezra has a Congenital Heart Defect which we detected at 20, weeks my high risk Dr. had me do Antipartum testing also known and Non Stress Tests twice a week to ensure he wasn't developing an arrhythmia or there wasn't excess fluid building up within his body or in the amniotic sac. Well this time I went in and I was pretty exhausted but I didn't think anything of it, I just figured "i'm 38 weeks pregnant, I'm bound to be exhausted." Well during NST they check your vitals to ensure all is well, when the nurse checked my blood pressure it was at 137/92 which is pretty high. Now I usually have high blood pressure after I walk up to NST because I just walked a bit so we decided to check again after we did the testing (20 minutes of heartbeat monitoring and 1 fetal ultrasound to ensure baby is moving). My blood pressure after was high and it ended up going up to 144/105 so the nurse decided to send me to triage for further evaluation. In triage they monitored my BP every 10 minutes as I lay there and it was still basically the same. UH OH. The triage Dr. called Dr. Henry which is my high risk dr. and they decided that I should be induced to avoid eclampsia because I was basically at a level of pre-eclampsia. Let the fun begin! I was SO excited that I was going to have Ezra! I could not wait! They moved me into Labor and Deliver and started me on cervadil medicine to thin out my cervix.While we waited we enjoyed the last few hours before we became mom and dad! My mother in law who was supposed to be back in Australia by this point but hadn't been able to make it on the plane because she was on a stand by ticket was still here after 2 extra weeks! I was really excited that she was going to be able to meet her first grandson so she was definitely going to be in the room while I delivered. Cervadil started at 2 and by 8 pm i was 50% effaced(thinned out) and 1 cm dilated(open). My nurse said that I would probably have the baby by 4 am since I was already dilating so YAY! We got our beds ready and slept to rest in hopes to wake up in pain and with a baby on the way for reals. lol. Might I add I was already super excited although I was having minor contractions and cheering them on so my family kept telling me I wasn't in "real labor" yet because I wasn't in real pain. lol. they were right! 4 am came and went with no baby so they checked my progress and unfortunately there was none so they gave me cervadil. Here are some photos of that day before we get into the fun stuff!

Oct. 16th

12 pm came and I had been getting more intense contractions but I had not really progressed although I was at 70% effaced and still only 1cm dilated. I was given one last cervadil pill at that time and things escalated pretty quickly from there. The pain got extremely intense and by 5 pm my water broke on its own! I decided to get pain medication because the pain was too excruciating so I got morphene which was just so weird! That only worked for a couple of hours while I showered and got "ready" and took  a short nap. The pain got so bad that mona literally just held my had and we counted until the contractions left the womb. lol. I got the epidural because I was in SO much pain and by 8 pm I was 8 cm dilated and getting closer to the third stage of labor! WOOHOO!! 

Oct. 17th

So 12pm came and my epidural WORE OFF! I was in So much pain and I was at 10 cm dilated and 100% effaced so here comes my baby, OH WAIT! one big problem, EZRA was "sunny side up" which means he is basically trying to do a back flip out of the birth canal and that makes the pushing stage extremely difficult and painful (GREAT) SO I pushed, and pushed and pushed FOR TWO HOURS and no baby. At this point I was so exhausted and in so much pain I asked for other options to save my self from more pain and I was scared about how Ezra was, 2 hours in the birth canal can't be too good. And it sure wasn't, my blood pressure shot up and Ezra's oxygen level started to drop so I asked to get a C-section and my dr agreed. Originally they wanted to see if I could get him out in another hour but then that happened so they took me to the OR. It was 2 am and i was so tired and groggy and my epidural sucked and I couldn't wait to meet my little guy. 3:18 am was when we heard his cry. It was absolutely beautiful. Mona and Ezra then went to have his first bath after I met him. He weighed 6 lbs 6 ounces and was 18 inches long. I was 37 weeks and 6 days pregnant and our little blessing couldn't be any more perfect. 

Coming home

After a couple of nights in the hospital we learned that our little boy for sure had the AV Canal Defect so he will be needing surgery to repair his little broken heart in a few months. He doesn't really "cry" he screams lol and boy does he have a temper! I absolutely love everything about him. he loves to smile and reassures me he is strong every day. He has had an EKG, a Echocardiogram and an X-ray, he had jaundice for a week and has a little bit of fluid in his lungs due to a leaky valve in his heart. All of this and that boy keeps smiling, he smiles more than I do. Thats why he's strong, because although he has all these things he is still a happy boy that lets his mommy sleep at night, maybe we wake up twice a night but he doesn't throw fits unless he's hungry, cold or pooped. lol I love him. SO much. Thank you to every one who came and visited us. We haven't left the house much with Ezra due to it being the cold/flu season and RSV season so after his servidil shot tomorrow we will be able to take him out and feel protected from all the bugs out there. we love you all! 

38 weeks! It's the FINAL COUNTDOWN!!

Wowsers, how terrible am I at blogging ? I told myself at the beginning of my pregnancy that I would try and blog at least every month just to keep a record of my pregnancy and to just have those memories everyone loves to have. Welp, not gonna happen! LOL. Anywho, since the last time you heard from me, a lot has happened. Well, obviously we are having a little boy, Ezra ________ Alofa Stevenson will be his name. The blank is left open because it is between Cameron and James. My husband hasn't decided what it will be so for now he is Ezra blank Alofa Stevenson. Alofa means love in Samoan and is also my late father in law's name. Well after week 20 we found out that my little nugget has a heart defect, similar to what I had when I was born but a little more severe and it might require surgery. His heart condition is called AV Canal Septal defect and basically it means he has a significant hole in both the Atria and Ventricle walls in his heart. From what we have seen lately it looks like it might only be ASD which is a hole in the Atria only but we won't be able to fully see what is going on until little Ezra is out of his womb. Besides that he is looking like a little champ. He looks like his daddy from what 4D ultrasounds have shown so we are excited! I literally am only 12 days out of my due date and a lot of things have changed since our last update. I no longer have serious food aversions or nausea. Im hungry every 2 hours and chocolate is my best friend. LOL. I love fresh foods and salads and veggies, fruits and just anything wholesome. Ezra is already head down, he's been head down since week 30 so good on him for not moving breech. I had a little stint in the hospital on week 32 because I had a positive Fetal Fibronectin Test which means I  could've delivered within 2 weeks of testing positive. I found out I had an infection and that's what caused preterm labor contractions and made that test positive. I was given Magnesium, which burned like a MOTHER, made me so so hot and nauseous i hope it never happens again. I was given penicillin for babies lungs to mature just in case and just monitored babies heart. Because of our little heart condition I do NST testing twice a week since week 30 to ensure that Ezra isn't developing an Arrhythmia or any excess fluid is going into his body or into the amniotic sac. So far his check ups have been great and he's a happy little guy so we are happy. I cannot wait to hold my little man, I literally have no words to describe how great pregnancy is and feeling his rolls, kicks and jabs has been the most amazing experience of my life. I am so sad that I only get 2 more weeks with him in my belly, we are 2 as 1 and this is the last few weeks that we will get to be together as one. His heart was built by mine, full of love. My husband is so ecstatic, he's been great helping me out and being patient while i go through all of the pregnancy side effects. I can't wait to see him raise our little boy into a fine young man. He's gonna do great. Anywho, I cannot wait to meet my Ezra. Until then, enjoy some photos!

xoxo

Mayra