Reminescing

Things are so different today. so different than they were 4 months ago. I was looking back on old blogs and re-reading the horrible time I was having when I published them. It honestly makes me so depressed to rethink of the time that was Jan-March 2011. What hell. I couldn't be happier today. Life is getting so exciting lately, I have an amazing man in my life who just knows how to love me, and gives me all of the things I could ever want from someone. He's my everything. Lately, I feel like that grown up girl i wanted to become a few months ago. I'm way more secure than I've ever been, and I am definitely way more in Love with someone than i've ever been.

A few weeks ago, Mona got a job working with my brother in law at Puma out in Torrance, he was placed on Swing shift, meaning his hours are from 4:30PM to 3:00 AM Monday thru Saturday. I'm dying over here. As things continue to escalade in our relationship, our time together seems to get less and less. We actually went and looked at rings yesterday. WOW.WOW.WOW.crazy i know, sooo exciting, most definitely. This boy is mine forever! Well, i need a ring to finalize that statement first but, it's definitely the goal we are working towards!! FINALLY. someone who understands me, who loves me, even my imperfections and insecurities. He loves me through it all. Finally a boy who isn't here to play games, a man with real emotions and someone who is selfless and gives of himself for my happiness. FINALLY.

I remember having a dream about a man who would be the father to my baby a few months ago and getting this feeling during the dream about how much of a stranger he was but how i knew that i loved him: Mona,has had a crush on me for a while and i've always had an attraction to him, but i always thought he was someone who wouldnt be interested in someone like me. apparently im very wrong. to continue with the dream, my "husband" in this dream loves me and the baby unconditionally: mona always puts me first. i may get insecure at times and grow fear of what could happen and if things don't work out how much i would die instantely, but i relate this feeling to that dream because thats the love i remember feeling in that dream! It's kind of crazy to relate what is going on now to what i dreampt about that night, but it makes so much sense. He always puts me first, and that's all ive ever wanted, to actually and geniounly be loved by someone who i love. to have true and real love, and i've found it.

I'm sooo thankful for standing in holy places, for following the spirit and for joining the LDS church. I'm no where near perfect, and i know perfection could never fully be reached but I do know that I am so happy now, knowing that life is the way it is because of the choice i made 3 years ago, to become a MORMON. to live like Heavenly Father would want me to live and to be closer to my savior. None of this wouldve happened if I weren't a member of this church, and i'm so thankful I made THAT giant leap and made THAT decision.

keep looking up :)

Mayra D.

eres la luz de mi vida...

im a rapper sometimes...

::

Baby boy you my evrythang

cant believe you got me this diamond ring...

you everythang i been wishin for

got me fiening n i want some more...

eres todo lo que quiero,

para siempre

eres todo lo que quiero,

para siempre

eres todo lo que quiero...

nunca me dejes.

ay que guapo.

mi amor.

para siempre...

<3

Because i love him...

oh yes i sure do...

here he is, the man i love. the one that consumes all of my time, the one i cannot get sick of, okay sometimes, lol. the one i argue with. the one i cry with.the one i cuddle with.the one that i wanna be with for ever... yes. deep.don't judge me, i just know. :) i love this boy. a feeling like this hasn't entered my body since i joined the church.anywho, he deserves every second of your undivided attention right now, because, i say so. jk. lol. i love this boy. he's everything i could ever ask for. he's showing me so much of his soul and letting me grow with him. i love everything about him. he's just too good to be true... yea yea, sappy little love blogger now huh, but hey, so what!:) lol. i'm in love, and i'm not afraid to say it. i want to marry this boy. yea, i do. so what! :)

fin.

He is..

everything i could ever ask for...

everything i could ever dream of...

the person that makes me want to be everything i've ever dreamed of....

the person i want to make better, i want to be like...

he is everything i've been waiting for..

lets just hope that its all in HIS will to work out...

life couldn't be better..

<3

We've hit turbulence...

and im one shaken little girl.

tonight, he broke me. completely.

it was the final cherry on the ever so building snow cone waiting to tip.

and he placed it.

things could be worse.

and i hope they don't get any worse.

it just so happens to trickle down sometimes.

this year started off "great"

new promotion.

new location.

more money..

one big happy mye mye...

what happened since then?

what has changed so significantly in my life that has drastically made my ever so happy temper slowly dull into a depressed little seventeen year old child..

i know where the problem lies.. just need to fix it and remember that trials will come.. and that's when we need to turn to him the most.

I can't do this on my own. and i think ive been neglecting the help i know i have way too much lately. I need to remember that he is always there. he is ALWAYS going to love me, even when the guy i wish wanted me dates someone else.. HF will ALWAYS love me. no matter what.

Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.<3 i am like a seventeen year old at thismoment in my life. so i feel like i am. i am hurt, stressed and have too much to think about that my emotions take over.. i hate it...

so i dedicate this song to me..

Maturing Comes with age..

And i'm getting old...

SO the last couple of months, my life has been pretty busy. With work and school I was definitely getting pretty tired and stressed out dealing with so many things. At home, my mothers health was crumbling, at work I had issues going on and at school the debates only got harder over time.

I am exhausted.

Never in my working life have I come home feeling so down on myself, so utterly lost and stressed out than i have in the past 2 months. I think this new position will be the death of me..

The past few months I have gotten closer to some friends that help me relieve that tension. I'm so thankful for them. Specifically miss Hannah who has understood and given some amazing advice on how to deal with things.. As i stated earlier, maturing comes with age (total lie) ...to me, It is a personal challenge. Sometimes, we don't mature until we are much older, sometimes we are forced to mature at a young age.. it is all due to a personal experience. I have matured, I think. I guess i base that off of the things that are most important to me lately. Family, HF, Friends, Work... Then the rest follows.. partying is not a priority.

Lately I feel like i'm ready to get on with my life.. midlife crisis? maybe.. well in a year right? I had a really vivid dream the other night where I was pregnant. My "babies daddy"(LOL) was a complete stranger, i didn't even know I knew him in my dream, but we were in love? it was weird. well, the dream continued and my boo became more supportive, buying baby stuff, telling friends, being really excited for the ever so fast growing baby in my overnight pregnancy.. I had the baby and we were in love.. i think the time lapse in my dream was 5 hours.. meaning that IN my dream i was pregnant and 5 hours later i gave birth..lol.. I had a boy, and he was perfect. he could talk, and he loved me.. he was full mexican, bushy eyebrows, perfect complexion and the cutest smile. His dad and I loved him so much so we took him to our house that we bought in .25 seconds (dream time is fast!!) The dream ended and I woke up feeling like a mom. I wasn't sure what the dream meant at all, but it was so real, and i felt so much emotion from it. I woke up with tears in my eyes, wondering why i would dream something so great and then wake up to a reality that is no where near it. I guess subconsciously i'm ready for that kind of love.. kinda sucks that its no where in sight right now, but Love takes time.. and it'll come when its supposed to.

I still wonder the meaning of that dream.. it's definitely one i will never forget..

Anywho, life is alright... taking it day by day.. just a little overworked and overstressed.. emotional mess at times.. but i'll get through it.. this is just another page of my book called life ;)

-Mayra

Right to a fair opinion..

So, lately, i feel like my honest opinions don't matter. Like whatever I think, gets bypassed and however i feel about something is WRONG. Someone else is always right, and im wrong, and what i think is different and wrong, and there always has to be a friend finding random sources trying to be the "know it all." That btw is one of THE biggest and most annoying things a person can have as a quality in my personal opinion (if that even matters to you) bc apparently to many, my opinion doesn't matter.. so, since no one reads this anyway, here i am, letting YOU, invisible person out there, read about who i am, and how i fell about certain things..

I LOVE electronic music. I love it, so much. I've listened to plenty of electro for the past 4 years, dancing out in clubs in hollywood, raving it up at EDC with minors (weird) and just blasting it in my car on the way home from work. it is one of the most relaxing sounds for me, and i LOVE it. Electro to me is a huge genre; dubstep,drum and bass, house music, trance, nu-disco..all of that, is classified under electro in my book. Yes, you can argue with me on how they arent electro, and i know, they arent, but when i say that, i mean a BROAD range of music.

i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE... (i think thats enough) when music goes mainstream without it being represented fairly. FOR EXAMPLE. Britney Spears released a song this week, that has a trance beat behind it. IT is straight up dance music, like from the grungy underground, plastered on a pretty face for the world to see... no no no.. to me.. this is a no no, and i understand, WTF, nbd Mayra D. but this is just how i FEEL about it. and my feelings need to be expressed right? so let me express them.. k, thanks! anywho, i posted a thing about it on my fb status, (here i go being a little bit overdramatic, but anywho...) and the whole thing turned into a discussion, which i should have expected, but it was not what i wanted. I understand the people feel that they should comment on it, but it was most definitely a vent on how i felt about something so passionate about. YES, i am an "electronic music fiend!!" meaning, i need it, i crave it, ALL of the time.. lol, so when someone like Britney plastered my "vice" all over the nation, that made me not happy. not mad, but more dissapointed at the lack of representation that the MAINstream media is doing for electro. Electronic music, the amazing stuff, is still no on the radio, its still free of charge on blogs, in zippyshare files, on twitter, but it is no where to be found on radio stations. SO that is what gets me mad. Britney, bc she's the "queen" can deface such amazing music ( to me) and people love it... i dont get it..

im not making sense,

oh well,

no ones listening.

Mayra D.