We've hit turbulence...

and im one shaken little girl.

tonight, he broke me. completely.

it was the final cherry on the ever so building snow cone waiting to tip.

and he placed it.

things could be worse.

and i hope they don't get any worse.

it just so happens to trickle down sometimes.

this year started off "great"

new promotion.

new location.

more money..

one big happy mye mye...

what happened since then?

what has changed so significantly in my life that has drastically made my ever so happy temper slowly dull into a depressed little seventeen year old child..

i know where the problem lies.. just need to fix it and remember that trials will come.. and that's when we need to turn to him the most.

I can't do this on my own. and i think ive been neglecting the help i know i have way too much lately. I need to remember that he is always there. he is ALWAYS going to love me, even when the guy i wish wanted me dates someone else.. HF will ALWAYS love me. no matter what.

Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.<3 i am like a seventeen year old at thismoment in my life. so i feel like i am. i am hurt, stressed and have too much to think about that my emotions take over.. i hate it...

so i dedicate this song to me..

Maturing Comes with age..

And i'm getting old...

SO the last couple of months, my life has been pretty busy. With work and school I was definitely getting pretty tired and stressed out dealing with so many things. At home, my mothers health was crumbling, at work I had issues going on and at school the debates only got harder over time.

I am exhausted.

Never in my working life have I come home feeling so down on myself, so utterly lost and stressed out than i have in the past 2 months. I think this new position will be the death of me..

The past few months I have gotten closer to some friends that help me relieve that tension. I'm so thankful for them. Specifically miss Hannah who has understood and given some amazing advice on how to deal with things.. As i stated earlier, maturing comes with age (total lie) ...to me, It is a personal challenge. Sometimes, we don't mature until we are much older, sometimes we are forced to mature at a young age.. it is all due to a personal experience. I have matured, I think. I guess i base that off of the things that are most important to me lately. Family, HF, Friends, Work... Then the rest follows.. partying is not a priority.

Lately I feel like i'm ready to get on with my life.. midlife crisis? maybe.. well in a year right? I had a really vivid dream the other night where I was pregnant. My "babies daddy"(LOL) was a complete stranger, i didn't even know I knew him in my dream, but we were in love? it was weird. well, the dream continued and my boo became more supportive, buying baby stuff, telling friends, being really excited for the ever so fast growing baby in my overnight pregnancy.. I had the baby and we were in love.. i think the time lapse in my dream was 5 hours.. meaning that IN my dream i was pregnant and 5 hours later i gave birth..lol.. I had a boy, and he was perfect. he could talk, and he loved me.. he was full mexican, bushy eyebrows, perfect complexion and the cutest smile. His dad and I loved him so much so we took him to our house that we bought in .25 seconds (dream time is fast!!) The dream ended and I woke up feeling like a mom. I wasn't sure what the dream meant at all, but it was so real, and i felt so much emotion from it. I woke up with tears in my eyes, wondering why i would dream something so great and then wake up to a reality that is no where near it. I guess subconsciously i'm ready for that kind of love.. kinda sucks that its no where in sight right now, but Love takes time.. and it'll come when its supposed to.

I still wonder the meaning of that dream.. it's definitely one i will never forget..

Anywho, life is alright... taking it day by day.. just a little overworked and overstressed.. emotional mess at times.. but i'll get through it.. this is just another page of my book called life ;)

-Mayra