Losing it....

Okay I know the title probably scared you off but really I'm just really tired of giving in. It is something that I used to be able to control but now that I am a little stressed and worried about Ezras surgery that is in 3 weeks, I cant help it. HELP ME loose weight, help me please! I guess I should be internalizing this because really weight loss starts from with in. I remember back when I was trying to lose weight for cancun I would be at the gym every night, meal prepping was a breeze. I lost 15 pounds but didn't even get close to my goal of 150.

  I've always been a little on the chubby side and have always wanted to be  thinner but I really have no idea what i'm doing anymore. I can't focus on working out daily, I'm just enjoying my son so much that I don't want to be away from him. I keep telling myself I need to lose some weight before I go back to work in May so that I don't get those rude compliments from people, I really don't want to hear it. Now I can't control my cravings, if I want a burger I have to eat it, I have to have that cookie, that soda is better than water, i am addicted to junk. HELP ME!

I really don't know why this happened when I was able to eat better when I was pregnant. I was seriously losing weight because all I ate was fruit. maybe i should take a pregnancy test now because man, lol. KIDDING. no. no no. no no no. not yet! Well yes, this is a cry for help. I know some of you are doing the whole 30 thing, it looks awesome but I need to stick to it. At this point I really need to gain control of my cravings and look for better alternatives that give me the similar satisfaction of the junk, without the additives. I'm tired of failing at this, I know it is all my fault though, I'm the only one that can trully change the way I eat. This is where I begin, I mean it isn't too bad seeing as I just had a baby, it could be worse, but to me this is bad enough. So here i sit, literally, at 184 pounds of unhappy with the hear to change but a mouth and mind addicted to sweets and junk.

My plan is to start somewhere,here are my goals:

•Plan each meal by writing it down in my calendar and sticking to it.
•Use MyFitnesspal to track my weight and measurements to track progress
•Go on walks with Ezra or on my own for at least half an hour
•Go to the gym to do weights and hardcore cardio twice a week
•Find a buddy to join me. nothing beats working out with friends who keep you motivated
•Keep a positive mindset

I can do this, I know I've done it before I just really want to do this with the challenge of being a mommy in order to get to where I want to be and be able to provide the best kind of life style to my family. Nothing is better than being healthy enough to enjoy life with your family.

Mayra Stevenson 

2014!!!

Hellos Good readers of the cyber world! How are you all? Well this past year has been the most exciting,terrifying and beautiful year of my life!It all started with a pregnancy test that got us ready for parenthood. Ezra is now 2 months old and is smiling and giggling at the sound of singing or squeaky voices. It is seriously the cutest thing ever! Well each year end i like to list off what my favorite things were of that year but this year I thought I would list the top 5 Highs and lows of the year! So here we go!


HIGHS

Being pregnant!- The little kicks and punches are dearly missed but I wouldn't trade the giggles and smiles for anything else


Having my In laws for a month!- Although we all squished into a small studio at 8 months pregnant, I honestly had the time of my life with my beautiful in laws! I wish they didn't live 16 hours away but I'm so grateful for technology that keeps us constantly connected!

Going to my first NBA game- Clippers!

Building stronger relationships with friends- You know who you are! I honestly have such a strong support group of friends who are constantly there for me when I truly need them! I'm so grateful for them!

Having a baby! Man was it TOUGH but after 2 hours of pushing and no progress we had to get him out! The rush of emotional change was crazy but I wouldn't have it any other way! I LOVE my little man more than anything in this universe!


Lows
 
Finding out Ezra has a congenital heart defect- I found out alone, in torrance with a doctor that was rude so it was hard to hear, I got in my car and called my sister and balled my eyes out. I still don't understand why our little boy has to have such a difficult beginning but I am SO thankful for modern medicine that keeps our little boy healthy! After his surgery (within 4-5 months old) he will be able to enjoy life without having to struggle breathing.

Mom getting admitted to the hospital the same week we found out Ezra had a heart condition. She was in there due to her heart failure so it was a double whammy that I couldn't handle. I was a hot mess and I'm so thankful we got through it.

Getting Pancreatitis and Having Gall stones- OH MY GOODNESS. worse than labor pain!

Having a "high risk pregnancy" which restricted me from going to the gym-waahhh

The 49ers having a horrible season and Jim Harbaugh leaving the team- WHYYY!?!? seriously i'm devastated!


Well there ya go! it was honestly so hard thinking of Lows which makes me happy because it was pretty easy finding the highs!

I really hope that you guys can find the good in life even when there are some things that can be too much to handle, there is always a bit of sunshine hiding behind those clouds! Keep fighting through them, A storm doesn't last forever!

xoxo