Losing it....

Okay I know the title probably scared you off but really I'm just really tired of giving in. It is something that I used to be able to control but now that I am a little stressed and worried about Ezras surgery that is in 3 weeks, I cant help it. HELP ME loose weight, help me please! I guess I should be internalizing this because really weight loss starts from with in. I remember back when I was trying to lose weight for cancun I would be at the gym every night, meal prepping was a breeze. I lost 15 pounds but didn't even get close to my goal of 150.

  I've always been a little on the chubby side and have always wanted to be  thinner but I really have no idea what i'm doing anymore. I can't focus on working out daily, I'm just enjoying my son so much that I don't want to be away from him. I keep telling myself I need to lose some weight before I go back to work in May so that I don't get those rude compliments from people, I really don't want to hear it. Now I can't control my cravings, if I want a burger I have to eat it, I have to have that cookie, that soda is better than water, i am addicted to junk. HELP ME!

I really don't know why this happened when I was able to eat better when I was pregnant. I was seriously losing weight because all I ate was fruit. maybe i should take a pregnancy test now because man, lol. KIDDING. no. no no. no no no. not yet! Well yes, this is a cry for help. I know some of you are doing the whole 30 thing, it looks awesome but I need to stick to it. At this point I really need to gain control of my cravings and look for better alternatives that give me the similar satisfaction of the junk, without the additives. I'm tired of failing at this, I know it is all my fault though, I'm the only one that can trully change the way I eat. This is where I begin, I mean it isn't too bad seeing as I just had a baby, it could be worse, but to me this is bad enough. So here i sit, literally, at 184 pounds of unhappy with the hear to change but a mouth and mind addicted to sweets and junk.

My plan is to start somewhere,here are my goals:

•Plan each meal by writing it down in my calendar and sticking to it.
•Use MyFitnesspal to track my weight and measurements to track progress
•Go on walks with Ezra or on my own for at least half an hour
•Go to the gym to do weights and hardcore cardio twice a week
•Find a buddy to join me. nothing beats working out with friends who keep you motivated
•Keep a positive mindset

I can do this, I know I've done it before I just really want to do this with the challenge of being a mommy in order to get to where I want to be and be able to provide the best kind of life style to my family. Nothing is better than being healthy enough to enjoy life with your family.

Mayra Stevenson