I hate having an anxiety problem. I really don't like it what so ever. This past week and a half has been one of the most stressful scary weeks i've had since probably high school. I had some serious irrational anxiety provoken thoughts, I was acting like such a mental and honestly I don't know what in my rational mind made me feel semi sane because i was becoming insane. Its done. First off, i will never EVER watch a R rated movie, scary movie, ever again. I made a huge mistake of freaking my soul out after watching a movie that to this very second shakes my core just thinking of. NEVER AGAIN. I honestly spent a week of my lovely so excitiing time of life in a stressful inner mental state of shake and fear. I swear i feel so bad for Mona to have to deal with me last week, no wedding plans were put into progress due to my stressed out state of mind. I guess you can say that the stress and fear all combined and just broke me down completely and I was just a huge emotional mess. I'd say I probably had like 3 panic attacks a day, EVERYTHING and anything made me cry, I was just destroyed. The ONE AND ONLY thing i'm soooo extremely OMG THANKFUL for having in my life is my LOVELY SAVIOR and Heavenly Father. Honestly, he was there, silently, but he was there the entire time. At night, when it would be hard to sleep, i'd blast my hymns and just pray so hard for me to feel better. The last thing I want is to be an anxious freak during my first year of marriage, I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY! :) Mona is so great too, he was sooo supportive during all of my freak out moments, of course it is so hard for him but i'm so glad to know i'll be marrying a man that will support me in all aspects of me. I love him so much.
Last week i turned 25 :( oh man. I AM OLD! But that whole night i was full of anxiety so it wasn't the 25th birthday I envisioned. My mom threw me a Bridal shower on saturday and all of her friends came over and we had a good time. It was in all spanish so don't be mad if you had no idea but it was family and friends mostly.
Anywho, the wedding plans are going great, only one month to go! WOOT WOOT! so stoaked and just ready to finally have a HUSBAND, an eternal companion! :) YAY for never being alone any more! :) i cannot wait to be his wife! I was just reading back on blogs from last year and man, last year was SOOO though on me! I will never forget the trial that 2011 was, no wonder i had anxiety so bad to kick off this year, lol. Anywho, hopefully life will be full of blessings once we walk through those temple doors. I cannot wait to be sealed FOR TIME AND ALL ETERNITY. I just cannot wait to walk through those doors! Man, I'm going to cry some great tears! :)
I cannot believe how my life just fell into place so well, I am so trully blessed for everything I have in my life. Such a supportive and loving family, a strong family I will be joining ( i really hope Mona and I build a family structure like his family bc they are SO close) and just life is going to be great! Anywho, life is better now, I'd say my anxiety isn't so persistant, life isnt cloudy and scary like it was last week but i'm still in process onto full recovery! Nothing I cannot overcome with the help of the most amazing and loving HF ever. He gives me the strength i need to get by day by day!
With love,
Mayra D.
I know you've probably been told this 10000x times, but I'll say it again because it's totally true. The few weeks before your wedding it's like ALL HELL breaks loose! Before my wedding, Sini and I both came down with absolutely horrid colds and super high fevers. Someone really close to both of us tried to sabotage the whole thing by spreading nasty rumors about me to my in-laws. My work-life got really stressful. Sini and I would get into arguments about the dumbest things. And to top it all off, his dad missed his flight into town the night before we were sealed.
ReplyDeleteWe'd been told by others that it was going to happen this way, so we promised ourselves that no matter what, we were getting to the temple! And we were sealed the next day.
"Opposition in all things", girl! In a month, you will be kneeling across an altar before the man of your dreams as he promises to be yours for ETERNITY!! Nothing better than that!
I'm so excited for you! You can TOTALLY do this! Life after I married Sini, didn't get any easier--in fact, I think it actually got harder. But I tend to think that the trials got harder, because we got stronger. We can handle anything together! And I'm sure the same speaks true of you and Mona.
Felicidades!!!! :)
aw thanks so much love! I won't lie, i've totally been on your blog a lot lately and it seems like you and I have a few things in common when it comes to those HORRID panic attacks. I love the strenght you've had through it all, i've battled anxiety since high school and it seems to come in the most exciting/stressfilled times of my life which is such a pain! lol. but i totally understand the panic attack moments in life and how terrible they can be, all i know is as long as I have faith in my heavenly father, and use every once of advice and material that has been taught to me, I can overcome any anxious moment. To this day i need to sleep to hymns to make me feel "safe" before I sleep and to take away all thoughts, it reallllly helps me out a ton, but i hope you are doing better and I wish you the best of luck with your little brothers process through home school. feel free to send me a message so we can exchange numbers and hang out! :)
Deletemucho love!
Mayra!